Category : The Way You Feel

Depression Success The Way You Feel

The Lessons I Learned From Style Con

menfluential 2018

Last week I flew all the way from London to Atlanta to speak on the final day of Style Con, but most importantly to see what this event was all about.

I can say as I’m writing this, it was an amazing experience, and in this feature today I’m going to share the five lessons I learned from the two day event.

What Is Style Con?

If you don’t know what Style Con is, where have you been the last few years? Style Con is an event that has been put on by Aaron Marino of Alpha M and Antonio Centeno of Real Men Real Style. These two heavyweights combined to create Style Con.

Now Style Con has been running for a few years. I actually wanted to attend last year as well, but this year, I had the pleasure to speak to the Style Con audience.

Style Con

The above image is from last year where the audience grew to over 100 men. This year it grew to over 200 men.

But there’s no better reason for me to fly all the way to Atlanta to speak about a subject that I’m extremely passionate about, and it’s something that’s extremely close to my heart, I told the audience my story, I highlighted the huge issue surrounding depression and the response blew me away.

But here are the five things that I learned from attending Style Con.

Prefer video? Watch below.

1. Depression Needs To Be Spoken About

The first lesson is depression needs to be spoken about. It really is as simple as that.

I truly was blown away by the response that I had from talking about depression, from talking about my dad’s suicide, and I really can’t get my words out at this moment because the amount of people that came up to me after me giving my presentation really did blow me away.

paul menfluential

Everyone shared stories about how they’ve felt depressed in the past, they shared moments of adversity with me and also a few opened up about personal suicidal attempts of loss through suicide. A few people told me they felt like I was talking to them when I was speaking about my depression and speaking about my dad.

It truly blew me away, and it really did make me think that more and more people need to talk about depression. More and more people need to be open. They need to be honest. They need to talk more.


The above is a small comparison of back to when I just lost my Dad to suicide, feeling depressed to now.

The physical transformation is obvious but the internal development would not have been possible without me opening up and dealing with my depression.

Now the audience at Style Con of course made me feel at ease because they are men wanting to better themselves. They’ve paid a ticket to go to an event which is based around self-improvement, based around growing them as a man and their business.

These were guys that were open to be vulnerable. They were open, they were honest. It made sharing my story, something that’s still extremely raw for me easier.

So the biggest lesson that I learned from my presentation was depression needs to be spoken about more, not just to a room of 300 men that were attending, it needs to be spoke about on a global scale. It needs to be spoken about if you go to the pub with your friends, if you’re at work. This issue needs to be tackled hands on.

It shouldn’t be stigmatised. It shouldn’t be something that you don’t talk about and something you ignore because you feel it’s a weakness.

If you take anything from this post please remember that depression is ok. If you’re watching this video and you’re someone who watched my presentation and you came up to me at the end with your own story, I truly, truly appreciate you.

depression understanding

2. Don’t Be Afraid Of Vulnerability

The second thing is don’t be afraid of vulnerability. Again, this is something that I spoke about in my presentation and something that I’ve just recently mentioned, but you shouldn’t be afraid of being vulnerable.

Being vulnerable actually opens you up more connections, to more relationships. The more closed you are, the less people you’re going to attract in your life and the less opportunities you’re going to open doors too.

The more vulnerable you can be, the deeper the connection someone is going to have with you.

For example, I stood on stage and became extremely vulnerable. I spoke about losing my dad to suicide, I spoke about my depression, I spoke about other things that I’m vulnerable about.

Honestly, I can’t even put up a shelf. I’m useless at DIY. But I’ll be completely open and honest about that, and that’s me not being afraid of being vulnerable.

paul menfluential

Now, the reason why I say people need to be vulnerable more is because if you’re in the audience and you’re listening to me open up and be vulnerable, it gives them the permission to open up and be vulnerable, too, but if I’m standing there closed off, not being honest, being someone that I’m not, they’re going to be closed off. It’s as simple as that, so be vulnerable more often.

A great example at the event was they had a grooming panel, and Eric who was hosting it said, “Come up if you want us to critique your grooming.” There was close to 50 people that stood up and queued up to stand onstage in front of everyone and get critiqued on how they looked.

That really put me at ease. I knew that the audience was open to be vulnerable, and that is something that I suggest to you.

If you’re reading this right now, don’t be scared of vulnerability. Being vulnerable will create a better connection with others and open doors to opportunities you won’t get if you stay closed off.

3. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Number three is an obvious one… Surround yourself with positive people. Luckily, I say luckily, at first I didn’t think I was lucky, I was the last speaker. I had the whole of Friday, the whole of Saturday and then I stood up to speak. At first this was a bit daunting for me, but it gave me the opportunity to speak to the audience, to work the room, to go and speak to people and find out their stories.

Now the greatest thing that I had from the event was simply just surrounding myself with positive people. I work from home, we can easily fall into our comfort zones by staying in the same environments we’re used too.

You want to always try and build your network, but most importantly surround yourself with the right people, because if you’re not surrounding yourself with the right people it’s going to be harder to grow.

positive people

If you want to improve as a person, go to an event with a room full of guys that want to improve. If you want to become successful, surround yourself with successful people. It really is as simple as that.

So the third lesson is surround yourself with like minded and positive people.

4. Action Outweighs Logic

Number four is something else that I mentioned in my presentation and that is action outweighs logic.

Now, the reason why I included this is because over the past two days, there was a vast amount of great speakers. You had Dan Lok talking about high ticket sales, you had Ryan Masters talking about fear and how to overcome it, you had people talking about YouTube, people talking about Instagram, people talking about grooming routines, me talking about depression… There were so many pieces of knowledge that you could pick up from the two days.


But what I’m trying to say here is the people that are going to succeed after that event are the people that actually act upon it. For example, if you’re writing notes throughout the whole event or any event that you go to and you try and act upon all of those notes, it’s going to be extremely difficult. But taking the few notes that stood out to you the most and acting upon them right away will help you achieve more than trying to do everything perfectly.

Whether that’s starting an Instagram account, whether it’s starting to face fears, whether it’s starting to be more open and vulnerable… whatever you got from Style Con or any event, you want to start acting upon.

The example that I used is self-help books. Self help books aren’t good for you.

self help books

That may shock you at first (as I’m an avid reader of self help books and even wrote one) but the logic behind it is simple. Self help books are useless if you read them and don’t act upon them.

If you read a self-help book and you put it back on the book shelf, you read another self-help book and put it back on the book shelf… you’re not applying any of that knowledge.

You really need to understand that action outweighs logic and you need to start applying everything that you learn.

5. There’s No Room For Arrogance

Number five, the final lesson, is there’s no room for arrogance.

Aaron is someone that I’ve known for a while, probably about five to six years. He did a sponsorship video for me back in the day when I owned Brighterman. Antonio again is someone that I’ve known for a few years. We’ve spoke on and off and I actually went and visited him in Ukraine, Kiev at the beginning of this year.

These two guys are heavyweights. These two guys have people looking up to them. They admire them. They inspire them. There combined audience is fast approaching 4 million subscribers on YouTube alone.

aaron marino youtubereal men real style

With all of this being said they are both just so down to earth. They have time for everyone. People were asking for photos, they gave them time. People were asking them questions, they gave them time. They literally weren’t arrogant in any way.

So many people when they hit a certain level of success become extremely arrogant, but Aaron, Antonio, all of the other speakers, everyone else in the room as well gave people the platform to speak. They gave me the platform to speak and share my story.

There was no room for arrogance, there was no room for ego, so at whatever level you think you’re at or you’re trying to get to, remember that arrogance is wasted.


You need to always be open to people, you always need to be giving time, giving value to people, because that’s always going to outweigh arrogance.

Menfluential 2018

How can I end this? Well hopefully I’m going to be able to get the full presentation for you guys to watch, but Style Con has recently changed their name to Menfluential. I personally believe that’s a much better decision because there wasn’t a lot of style involved in the event and it’s always going to be very hard to do a two day event just based around style.

Tanner from Masculine Style did a very good presentation on style, you had grooming panels, you had Instagram panels, there were a lot of stylish guys there so you still are going to get a lot of knowledge in terms of style, but it was more about self-improvement. It was more about becoming a better version of yourself.

So Menfluential 2018 is now booked in Atlanta so if you get the chance to go, I highly recommend it.

Hopefully I will be flying out there again next year. (Get Your Tickets Here)

Hopefully we can catch up?

If you enjoyed these lessons let me know in the comments below and if you attended, let me know what your lessons were.

If you didn’t attend Style Con what events have you been to recently and what were the biggest lessons you learned?

Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel for 3 videos a week by clicking here or the banner below.


This post was originally featured on MFM. Read it here: 5 Lessons from Style Con 2017

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The Way You Feel What's Happening

Moving Forward In 2017…

moving forward 2017

Before I jump into this post I want to quickly say thank you.

If you’ve been following MFM, me or even if this is the first thing you’ve ever seen I truly appreciate your time.

There’s a vast amount of websites, articles, videos and imagery online eager for your attention and I’m grateful that you landed here today.

What’s this all about?

I want to share with you a personal update in terms of moving forward in 2017 alongside, most importantly, what I learned from 2016.

Looking back on 2016 I started to create more videos on YouTube, I started to put more content out on MFM and I launched a Podcast. More personal content is something that I’ve wanted to do ever since 2011. I never got round to doing it.


Because I had fear of worrying what people thought of me, I was in a perfectionist trap but last year was really the year where things changed.


Now moving forward in 2017 everything I publish will fall into the motto ‘Style from the inside and out’. The way you dress and look is hugely important but neglecting how you feel will still hinder your confidence.

Originally you may have started following me from a post or video I wrote about depression, suicide, stress and worry, or maybe you started following me from a style or grooming feature, however you found me you can still expect to see similar content.

If you’ve been following my stuff for a while you’ll know that I had a huge shift.

I started off creating content around style through MFM, I then shifted more towards self improvement, sharing my story, talking about the importance of dealing with depression and of course how to improve your confidence. I then shifted back to the Style based content.

Now I want to make all of this clear, the reason why I’ve done that is because I truly believe there’s a huge crossover between the two subjects. If you’re a man and you’re looking for style tips, grooming tips or even fitness… the reason why you’re doing that is because of confidence. The reason you’re doing that is because you want to look good and you wan’t to feel good…

So moving into 2017 I’ll be blending the two subjects. You can expect more self improvement features alongside style, grooming and hairstyle features.

In 2017 I’m also going to be focusing on collaborating with others, starting with speaking at Style Con in Atlanta with some YouTube heavyweights such as Antonio Centeno and Aaron Marino.

I’m looking at putting more content out through the different channels I already have in place (Podcast, YouTube, MFM, My Personal Blog, Social Media) and I’m looking forward to what’s planned in 2017.

But what did I learn from 2016?

1. Have A Strong ‘Why’

The first lesson, one of the biggest lessons I learned in 2016 was have a stronger purpose. The reason why I started to do more YouTube videos, the reason why I started to put my face more to this website, the reason why my productivity has increased and even the reason behind my increased intensity at the gym is because I have a stronger purpose.

A strong why.

I became a Dad to Teddie in 2016 back in July and even though it took a few months to sink in, when it did I had a huge purpose around it. I have a stronger drive right now because of that.

teddie paul

This was one of the first photos I had with him the day he was born. He’s 6 months now… time flies.

So my question to you would be what is your purpose?

Why are you doing the things that you’re doing?

Try and find something that’s strong, something that’s going to drive you forward because motivation is something that we all struggle with. But when you have a purpose, a ‘why’, an end goal… motivation comes a lot easier.

2. Reduce Your Regret

The second thing I learned was reduce your regret. What I mean by this is simple, if you sit down with your Grandparents or you sit down with someone who’s in their 90’s one of the things they’ll always say is what they regretted. What this means is everyone will have regrets, think about when you’re 90 years old you’ll regret things that you did do and things that you didn’t do.

Everyone will have regrets but right now as you’re reading this, try and reduce the amount of regret that you have at the end of your life.


Start doing things NOW. Start doing things that you’ve been putting off.

Time is short.

I read today how much time we’ve already had. Take the amount of years you’ve lived (for me it would be 26) and then multiply that by 365 and then multiply that figure by 24. That will show you how many hours you’ve lived right now.

I’ve been alive 227,760 hours.

Shocking right?

Think about how much you’ve done with the hours you’ve lived.

You have a lot of time, you have time in abundance just make sure that you’re using it wisely.

3. Simplify Your Style (& Everything Else)

The third one goes back to the Style Reinvention video series that I produced towards the end of the year (see it here) and that’s simplify your style.

This relates back to a lot of things in life, simplify as much as you can. We always overcomplicate things and worry about things that are out of our control, we buy too much, we overcomplicate relationships, we overcomplicate business systems… don’t overcomplicate your style as well.

Some of the most successful men buy 7 of the same t-shirt, jeans and shoes. In no way am I recommending this but the principle is clear… reduce the time spent deciding what to wear.

Style is simple, keep it versatile and focus on the principles I share in the Style Reinvention series and you will have no problems in terms of dressing the way that you want.

4. Don’t Worry What People Think

Seriously. Do not worry what people think.

This is the one thing that held me back for so long and it’s something that holds a lot of people back that I speak to. They worry about people judging them. There is no point worrying what people think of you, it’s wasted energy.

No one cares about you as much as you think they do. Everyone is so caught up in their own worries, insecurities, stresses and fear that they have they’re seriously not worried about you. Don’t worry what people think.

I hate to break this to you but no one really cares about you like you think they do. They care more about themselves.

This year do not worry what people think of you, it will be a huge boost in confidence.

5. Be Patient & Focus On Progress

Last but not least be patient.

Focus on progress. I shared a lesson in the Become A Better Man Facebook group about being 1% better. It’s about focusing on progress. It’s about consistently doing something to become better.

Be patient with what you’re trying to achieve.

Be patient with the person you’re trying to become… it’s not going to happen over night.

Everyone always looks at Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and other successful icons and they look at where they are rather than how they got there.

Be patient with what you’re doing, be patient with what you’re trying to achieve this year.

If you sprint too fast, you run the risk of falling.

sprint fall

Moving Forward

I’m looking forward to an exciting 2017. MFM is moving forward nicely, I’ve got some exciting trips and collaborations already planned and most importantly I’m getting married!

What are you looking forward to?

Comment below.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Join the Facebook group.
Work with me in the MFM Academy.

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Depression The Way You Feel

How Should We Deal With Emotions As A Man?


This is a personal post, it’s something I’ve never really shared on MFM before.

I’d appreciate it if you could hang the suit up for a second, put the double monk strap shoes away and pay attention.

On March 4th 2009 my Dad left the house, walked 15 minutes to a busy road and stepped in front of a lorry.

He died on impact.

I was 18 (a month off 19) at the time and that was the day that changed my life.

Shortly after losing my Dad to suicide I too battled with depression, anxiety and even thought about taking my own life.


Why did he do it?

My Dad’s suicide shocked us as a family, shocked his friends and co workers and most importantly caused grief to a lot of people close to him.

But to you reading this, my Dad’s suicide was just a digit.

An extra number added to the statistic that 4,624 men took their own lives in the UK alone last year.

With suicide now being the biggest killer of all men under the age of 50, isn’t it time we did something about it?

Is it time to truly ‘Man Up’ and get a grip, or should we ‘Man Down’ and change the way deal with our emotions?

Either way, I’m hoping this article will help.


* My Dad, Grandad and Nan (all referenced in this article)
Did you know a man takes his own life every 2 hours in the UK alone, and out of all of the suicides recorded last year 76% were men?

Still those shocking statistics don’t include the unrecorded suicides, it doesn’t include the high percentage of men dying from alcoholism and drug abuse and it doesn’t include the many men currently struggling right now with deep depression and contemplating their own lives.

As you read this, you can probably think of a man close to you affected by depression, or a man who has taken their own life.

If that person is you, I hope this article will resonate with you.


My Grandad is tough as nails.

He’s 92, he’s been through war, a childhood surrounded by Poverty and he was allowed to be disciplined hard by his parents and teachers.

More notably he lost his only Son (my Dad) to suicide and his wife of 50 years to cancer just a month later.

He didn’t cry at either funeral, and in fact I’ve never seen him show any real emotion over the 26 years I’ve know him.


To him showing emotion would be a sign of weakness, throughout his life he’s been conditioned to deal with tough situations and manage emotions through ‘getting on with it’.

Is my Grandad the definition of a true man? Someone who battles through any adversity without showing emotion?

I truly believe the suicide rate is shockingly high due to this misinterpreted picture of what it takes to be a man today.

We’re not built like the older generation were, we’re not conditioned in the same way.

The ‘typical’ modern day man has had to deal with less adversity, stronger and more independent women and in most cases a strong influence from being sheltered by their Mum.

The rate of single Mum’s bringing up their children is at an all time high and this has a huge impact on how we’re conditioned to behave.

If your Mum had more of an influence on your up bringing, rather than your Dad or finding your own independence early on you’re going to be conditioned differently than the ‘old school man’.

You’re going to feel more emotion and feel a need to express it.

The issue comes when we define a true man as something different to how we’re conditioned, holding back any emotion and ignoring it rather than dealing with it.

Is simply getting over anything thrown our way the best way of dealing with negativity?


Showing emotion isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength.

My Dad buried his negative emotions, he didn’t want to deal with them and he distracted himself from dealing with them working day and night, focusing on money and keeping himself busy at all times.

Short term fulfilment doesn’t solve years of negative conditioning.

suicide for men

One of the biggest reasons behind the suicide rate is a lack of self awareness, not being able to handle emotions and more importantly not feeling like we can show them as men.

Talking is one of the most powerful things you can do. The issue is it’s also one of the hardest.

You don’t have to open up about your feelings to your 7 mates at the Pub watching the game but a close friend, family member, counsellor, teacher or colleague at work are options. You can even write down how you feel and give it to someone close to you if you find expressing it vocally to be hard.

The healing process starts from becoming aware of negativity and why you feel the way you do alongside expressing it.

Just doing this alone will create release and it will start to make you feel better.

Remember everyone around you has their own insecurities, fears and negativity to deal with. They’re going to be more open to you talking about yours than you think they will be.

Talking and showing any form of emotion doesn’t make you a weak man, it makes you a strong one.

To Man Up or Man Down?

There is no right or wrong answer, we’re all built differently.

I believe a lot of people who look to push the ‘Man Down’ side of the argument on to men emphasise too much on the process of crying.

Some men cry, some men don’t. In fact this isn’t just a man thing, it’s a woman thing too. We’re all different.

We all cry at different things.

Heck I cried like a baby when my Son Teddie was born but my partner Amy didn’t blink a tear. On the other hand I’ll see her shedding a tear at a TV program or advert sometimes and I’m puzzled why she’s crying.

me and teddie

The argument isn’t about crying or not crying. The argument is understanding who you are, how you feel and being able to deal with it.

Self awareness is important and knowing how you’re conditioned will help you understand your way of dealing with emotion.

There isn’t a one size fits all.

The key thing is understanding and dealing with it, rather than burying it and letting it resurface at a later date.

If this article helped let me know in the comments below.

My book ‘Man Up or Man Down’ releases early next year and you can join the early bird list (just click here).

You can also read more on my blog here.

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Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

4 Tips To Overcome Social Anxiety


Ever worried about a certain event?

It could be a job interview, a first date, a night out with mates or even a family outing.

Ever worried what people might think of you?

Worried someone is judging you?

You see social anxiety exists at different levels and it’s something that affects every man at some point in their life.

However extreme your social anxiety might be, whether it’s on the low end of the scale feeling anxious around certain people or in certain places to the extreme of not being able to order a coffee or leave your house in the morning this post aims to help you overcome social anxiety.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Before diving into some very specific tips to help you overcome social anxiety I want to make one thing clear…

Avoiding it will only make it worse.

The more you avoid social situations and the more you avoid dealing with it the stronger the anxiety will become.

Increasing your confidence will help you overcome your social anxiety and confidence is developed through action.

Think about the first time you sat behind a steering wheel… was you confident?

After driving for a while you soon jump behind the steering wheel without any worrying thoughts or anxiety around driving.

Confidence comes from action and facing up to your anxiety rather than ignoring it will help you resolve it.

Here are 4 tips to help you overcome social anxiety.

1. Worrying What People Think

One of the biggest reasons we feel anxious in social situations is the fear of judgement.

What are people saying about me? What are they thinking? Am I being judged?

All of these self limiting thoughts are, well, just that… Thoughts. These are thoughts, stories and scenarios created by you which in reality don’t exist.

Worrying what people think of you is the biggest limitation you can put on yourself. Why let someone else’s opinion of you, in most cases a complete stranger affect your stress levels, your happiness and your behaviours?

Worrying what people think and having the belief that people are judging you will create more anxiety around social situations.


Personally it’s something that held me back for a long time, trying to please others and always fearing I was being judged.

I had a big realisation…

I’m really not that important.

The average person has 70,000 thoughts a day, am I that important that they’ll be thinking of me? They’ll be judging me? Let’s say I embarrassed myself in front of a stranger, I would ‘believe’ they’d be laughing about it for weeks to come but in reality they’ll forget it even happened within a few minutes.

Everybody has their own insecurities, their own worries, their own anxiety to deal with. No one will ever judge you as much as you think they do.

If judgement does happen it often comes as a reflection on them rather than a reflection on you. If someone feels the need to judge another or say/do something hurtful it’s often to make up for their own insecurities and issues.

Don’t let someone have such control over your thoughts and emotions.

In this video I met up with Josh Morris and we went through some ‘judgement’ exercises. I pushed my comfort zones on a few of them and walk you through each one.

Want to take this deeper and really cure your fear of judgement? Read this post here on Worrying What People Think.

2. Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway

As I’ve mentioned anxiety in social situations will typically stem from a lack of confidence.

If you’re confident to order a coffee, you’ll feel no anxiety around ordering a coffee. If you’re confident walking into a room full of people and starting a conversation, you’ll have little or no anxiety to do so.

On the other hand a lack of confidence will lead to fear.

The best way to overcome fear is to simply face it. Get anxious approaching and talking to girls? Go and approach and talk to girls.

I’m not saying it’s easy and you’ll have to push through the anxiety, the fear of judgement, the feeling of your stomach churning and your palms sweating but after every time you face that fear it will get better.

I remember the first time I got asked to speak in public, presenting on the Future of Menswear to around 100 people. I think I practiced the presentation so much I presented robotically and to this day I can’t remember a word I said. The second time I did it that fear still existed but it wasn’t as strong as it was the first time round. The third time it got easier, the same with the fourth, the fifth, the sixth time. The more you do the thing you fear the less anxiety you’ll feel around it.

It’s also important to remember that the stories and the scenarios you create in your head before facing that fear will never happen. How many times have you worried about something happen and it never did? Worry comes from your own imagination.


3. Get Someone To Push You

How many people wouldn’t jump out of an aeroplane without someone strapped to their back?

Without others watching on?

Without knowing that you’re going to let yourself down or others down after you’ve paid or raised money to get 70,000 feet in the air ready to jump?

Accountability is key to help you achieve or overcome anything in life.

jumping out a plane

In the video above where I discuss overcoming social anxiety a lot of the exercises I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t with Josh or on camera. Because Josh was there to push me to do them (and hold me accountable) it helped me push through fear.

Get friends to hold you to the things you say you’re going to do, get them to go with you and push you through exercises.

You can also go to meet up groups with other people suffering with social anxiety. These are often led by people who have overcome the fear of judgement and they’ll put you through certain exercises to help.

Of course there’s going to be anxiety and fear around even asking a friend or going to a meet up group but it’s going to be hugely valuable if you do.

4. Celebrate Your Wins (However Small They May Be)

Manage to order a coffee today? Start a conversation with someone? Leave the house? However small the act, congratulate yourself.

Being socially anxious will lead to negativity and low self esteem. Therefore any fear you face or anything you try… celebrate.

Simply saying ‘well done’ to yourself or playing your favourite music and standing in power pose (fists clenched, arms above your head like you’ve won a race) will help.

The more positivity you can create and the more you can build your self esteem the easier it’s going to be to face the fear.


Always Break Comfort Zones

These 4 tips combined will help you overcome your social anxiety, but going outside of your comfort zone and facing fear is truly the only way to deal with it.

The more you resist, the more you ignore the fact and ignore your anxiety the worst it’s going to get.

Always break comfort zones.

Here’s an interview I did with Josh Morris on my Podcast. He went from not being able to order a coffee to travelling the world and removing all fear of judgement.

If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to comment and share with someone who might benefit from it.

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