Category : Depression

Depression Success The Way You Feel

The Lessons I Learned From Style Con

menfluential 2018

Last week I flew all the way from London to Atlanta to speak on the final day of Style Con, but most importantly to see what this event was all about.

I can say as I’m writing this, it was an amazing experience, and in this feature today I’m going to share the five lessons I learned from the two day event.

What Is Style Con?

If you don’t know what Style Con is, where have you been the last few years? Style Con is an event that has been put on by Aaron Marino of Alpha M and Antonio Centeno of Real Men Real Style. These two heavyweights combined to create Style Con.

Now Style Con has been running for a few years. I actually wanted to attend last year as well, but this year, I had the pleasure to speak to the Style Con audience.

Style Con

The above image is from last year where the audience grew to over 100 men. This year it grew to over 200 men.

But there’s no better reason for me to fly all the way to Atlanta to speak about a subject that I’m extremely passionate about, and it’s something that’s extremely close to my heart, I told the audience my story, I highlighted the huge issue surrounding depression and the response blew me away.

But here are the five things that I learned from attending Style Con.

Prefer video? Watch below.

1. Depression Needs To Be Spoken About

The first lesson is depression needs to be spoken about. It really is as simple as that.

I truly was blown away by the response that I had from talking about depression, from talking about my dad’s suicide, and I really can’t get my words out at this moment because the amount of people that came up to me after me giving my presentation really did blow me away.

paul menfluential

Everyone shared stories about how they’ve felt depressed in the past, they shared moments of adversity with me and also a few opened up about personal suicidal attempts of loss through suicide. A few people told me they felt like I was talking to them when I was speaking about my depression and speaking about my dad.

It truly blew me away, and it really did make me think that more and more people need to talk about depression. More and more people need to be open. They need to be honest. They need to talk more.

beforesuit-and-shirt4

The above is a small comparison of back to when I just lost my Dad to suicide, feeling depressed to now.

The physical transformation is obvious but the internal development would not have been possible without me opening up and dealing with my depression.

Now the audience at Style Con of course made me feel at ease because they are men wanting to better themselves. They’ve paid a ticket to go to an event which is based around self-improvement, based around growing them as a man and their business.

These were guys that were open to be vulnerable. They were open, they were honest. It made sharing my story, something that’s still extremely raw for me easier.

So the biggest lesson that I learned from my presentation was depression needs to be spoken about more, not just to a room of 300 men that were attending, it needs to be spoke about on a global scale. It needs to be spoken about if you go to the pub with your friends, if you’re at work. This issue needs to be tackled hands on.

It shouldn’t be stigmatised. It shouldn’t be something that you don’t talk about and something you ignore because you feel it’s a weakness.

If you take anything from this post please remember that depression is ok. If you’re watching this video and you’re someone who watched my presentation and you came up to me at the end with your own story, I truly, truly appreciate you.

depression understanding

2. Don’t Be Afraid Of Vulnerability

The second thing is don’t be afraid of vulnerability. Again, this is something that I spoke about in my presentation and something that I’ve just recently mentioned, but you shouldn’t be afraid of being vulnerable.

Being vulnerable actually opens you up more connections, to more relationships. The more closed you are, the less people you’re going to attract in your life and the less opportunities you’re going to open doors too.

The more vulnerable you can be, the deeper the connection someone is going to have with you.

For example, I stood on stage and became extremely vulnerable. I spoke about losing my dad to suicide, I spoke about my depression, I spoke about other things that I’m vulnerable about.

Honestly, I can’t even put up a shelf. I’m useless at DIY. But I’ll be completely open and honest about that, and that’s me not being afraid of being vulnerable.

paul menfluential

Now, the reason why I say people need to be vulnerable more is because if you’re in the audience and you’re listening to me open up and be vulnerable, it gives them the permission to open up and be vulnerable, too, but if I’m standing there closed off, not being honest, being someone that I’m not, they’re going to be closed off. It’s as simple as that, so be vulnerable more often.

A great example at the event was they had a grooming panel, and Eric who was hosting it said, “Come up if you want us to critique your grooming.” There was close to 50 people that stood up and queued up to stand onstage in front of everyone and get critiqued on how they looked.

That really put me at ease. I knew that the audience was open to be vulnerable, and that is something that I suggest to you.

If you’re reading this right now, don’t be scared of vulnerability. Being vulnerable will create a better connection with others and open doors to opportunities you won’t get if you stay closed off.

3. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Number three is an obvious one… Surround yourself with positive people. Luckily, I say luckily, at first I didn’t think I was lucky, I was the last speaker. I had the whole of Friday, the whole of Saturday and then I stood up to speak. At first this was a bit daunting for me, but it gave me the opportunity to speak to the audience, to work the room, to go and speak to people and find out their stories.

Now the greatest thing that I had from the event was simply just surrounding myself with positive people. I work from home, we can easily fall into our comfort zones by staying in the same environments we’re used too.

You want to always try and build your network, but most importantly surround yourself with the right people, because if you’re not surrounding yourself with the right people it’s going to be harder to grow.

positive people

If you want to improve as a person, go to an event with a room full of guys that want to improve. If you want to become successful, surround yourself with successful people. It really is as simple as that.

So the third lesson is surround yourself with like minded and positive people.

4. Action Outweighs Logic

Number four is something else that I mentioned in my presentation and that is action outweighs logic.

Now, the reason why I included this is because over the past two days, there was a vast amount of great speakers. You had Dan Lok talking about high ticket sales, you had Ryan Masters talking about fear and how to overcome it, you had people talking about YouTube, people talking about Instagram, people talking about grooming routines, me talking about depression… There were so many pieces of knowledge that you could pick up from the two days.

suffered

But what I’m trying to say here is the people that are going to succeed after that event are the people that actually act upon it. For example, if you’re writing notes throughout the whole event or any event that you go to and you try and act upon all of those notes, it’s going to be extremely difficult. But taking the few notes that stood out to you the most and acting upon them right away will help you achieve more than trying to do everything perfectly.

Whether that’s starting an Instagram account, whether it’s starting to face fears, whether it’s starting to be more open and vulnerable… whatever you got from Style Con or any event, you want to start acting upon.

The example that I used is self-help books. Self help books aren’t good for you.

self help books

That may shock you at first (as I’m an avid reader of self help books and even wrote one) but the logic behind it is simple. Self help books are useless if you read them and don’t act upon them.

If you read a self-help book and you put it back on the book shelf, you read another self-help book and put it back on the book shelf… you’re not applying any of that knowledge.

You really need to understand that action outweighs logic and you need to start applying everything that you learn.

5. There’s No Room For Arrogance

Number five, the final lesson, is there’s no room for arrogance.

Aaron is someone that I’ve known for a while, probably about five to six years. He did a sponsorship video for me back in the day when I owned Brighterman. Antonio again is someone that I’ve known for a few years. We’ve spoke on and off and I actually went and visited him in Ukraine, Kiev at the beginning of this year.

These two guys are heavyweights. These two guys have people looking up to them. They admire them. They inspire them. There combined audience is fast approaching 4 million subscribers on YouTube alone.

aaron marino youtubereal men real style

With all of this being said they are both just so down to earth. They have time for everyone. People were asking for photos, they gave them time. People were asking them questions, they gave them time. They literally weren’t arrogant in any way.

So many people when they hit a certain level of success become extremely arrogant, but Aaron, Antonio, all of the other speakers, everyone else in the room as well gave people the platform to speak. They gave me the platform to speak and share my story.

There was no room for arrogance, there was no room for ego, so at whatever level you think you’re at or you’re trying to get to, remember that arrogance is wasted.

arrogance

You need to always be open to people, you always need to be giving time, giving value to people, because that’s always going to outweigh arrogance.

Menfluential 2018

How can I end this? Well hopefully I’m going to be able to get the full presentation for you guys to watch, but Style Con has recently changed their name to Menfluential. I personally believe that’s a much better decision because there wasn’t a lot of style involved in the event and it’s always going to be very hard to do a two day event just based around style.

Tanner from Masculine Style did a very good presentation on style, you had grooming panels, you had Instagram panels, there were a lot of stylish guys there so you still are going to get a lot of knowledge in terms of style, but it was more about self-improvement. It was more about becoming a better version of yourself.

So Menfluential 2018 is now booked in Atlanta so if you get the chance to go, I highly recommend it.

Hopefully I will be flying out there again next year. (Get Your Tickets Here)

Hopefully we can catch up?

If you enjoyed these lessons let me know in the comments below and if you attended, let me know what your lessons were.

If you didn’t attend Style Con what events have you been to recently and what were the biggest lessons you learned?

Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel for 3 videos a week by clicking here or the banner below.

paul-mcgregor-youtube-channel

This post was originally featured on MFM. Read it here: 5 Lessons from Style Con 2017

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Depression The Way You Feel

How Should We Deal With Emotions As A Man?

man-up-man-down

This is a personal post, it’s something I’ve never really shared on MFM before.

I’d appreciate it if you could hang the suit up for a second, put the double monk strap shoes away and pay attention.

On March 4th 2009 my Dad left the house, walked 15 minutes to a busy road and stepped in front of a lorry.

He died on impact.

I was 18 (a month off 19) at the time and that was the day that changed my life.

Shortly after losing my Dad to suicide I too battled with depression, anxiety and even thought about taking my own life.

Crazy.

Why did he do it?

My Dad’s suicide shocked us as a family, shocked his friends and co workers and most importantly caused grief to a lot of people close to him.

But to you reading this, my Dad’s suicide was just a digit.

An extra number added to the statistic that 4,624 men took their own lives in the UK alone last year.

With suicide now being the biggest killer of all men under the age of 50, isn’t it time we did something about it?

Is it time to truly ‘Man Up’ and get a grip, or should we ‘Man Down’ and change the way deal with our emotions?

Either way, I’m hoping this article will help.

2016-11-18-1479470826-1677272-Scan.jpeg

* My Dad, Grandad and Nan (all referenced in this article)
Did you know a man takes his own life every 2 hours in the UK alone, and out of all of the suicides recorded last year 76% were men?

Still those shocking statistics don’t include the unrecorded suicides, it doesn’t include the high percentage of men dying from alcoholism and drug abuse and it doesn’t include the many men currently struggling right now with deep depression and contemplating their own lives.

As you read this, you can probably think of a man close to you affected by depression, or a man who has taken their own life.

If that person is you, I hope this article will resonate with you.

MAN UP

My Grandad is tough as nails.

He’s 92, he’s been through war, a childhood surrounded by Poverty and he was allowed to be disciplined hard by his parents and teachers.

More notably he lost his only Son (my Dad) to suicide and his wife of 50 years to cancer just a month later.

He didn’t cry at either funeral, and in fact I’ve never seen him show any real emotion over the 26 years I’ve know him.

grandad

To him showing emotion would be a sign of weakness, throughout his life he’s been conditioned to deal with tough situations and manage emotions through ‘getting on with it’.

Is my Grandad the definition of a true man? Someone who battles through any adversity without showing emotion?

I truly believe the suicide rate is shockingly high due to this misinterpreted picture of what it takes to be a man today.

We’re not built like the older generation were, we’re not conditioned in the same way.

The ‘typical’ modern day man has had to deal with less adversity, stronger and more independent women and in most cases a strong influence from being sheltered by their Mum.

The rate of single Mum’s bringing up their children is at an all time high and this has a huge impact on how we’re conditioned to behave.

If your Mum had more of an influence on your up bringing, rather than your Dad or finding your own independence early on you’re going to be conditioned differently than the ‘old school man’.

You’re going to feel more emotion and feel a need to express it.

The issue comes when we define a true man as something different to how we’re conditioned, holding back any emotion and ignoring it rather than dealing with it.

Is simply getting over anything thrown our way the best way of dealing with negativity?

MAN DOWN

Showing emotion isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength.

My Dad buried his negative emotions, he didn’t want to deal with them and he distracted himself from dealing with them working day and night, focusing on money and keeping himself busy at all times.

Short term fulfilment doesn’t solve years of negative conditioning.

suicide for men

One of the biggest reasons behind the suicide rate is a lack of self awareness, not being able to handle emotions and more importantly not feeling like we can show them as men.

Talking is one of the most powerful things you can do. The issue is it’s also one of the hardest.

You don’t have to open up about your feelings to your 7 mates at the Pub watching the game but a close friend, family member, counsellor, teacher or colleague at work are options. You can even write down how you feel and give it to someone close to you if you find expressing it vocally to be hard.

The healing process starts from becoming aware of negativity and why you feel the way you do alongside expressing it.

Just doing this alone will create release and it will start to make you feel better.

Remember everyone around you has their own insecurities, fears and negativity to deal with. They’re going to be more open to you talking about yours than you think they will be.

Talking and showing any form of emotion doesn’t make you a weak man, it makes you a strong one.

To Man Up or Man Down?

There is no right or wrong answer, we’re all built differently.

I believe a lot of people who look to push the ‘Man Down’ side of the argument on to men emphasise too much on the process of crying.

Some men cry, some men don’t. In fact this isn’t just a man thing, it’s a woman thing too. We’re all different.

We all cry at different things.

Heck I cried like a baby when my Son Teddie was born but my partner Amy didn’t blink a tear. On the other hand I’ll see her shedding a tear at a TV program or advert sometimes and I’m puzzled why she’s crying.

me and teddie

The argument isn’t about crying or not crying. The argument is understanding who you are, how you feel and being able to deal with it.

Self awareness is important and knowing how you’re conditioned will help you understand your way of dealing with emotion.

There isn’t a one size fits all.

The key thing is understanding and dealing with it, rather than burying it and letting it resurface at a later date.

If this article helped let me know in the comments below.

My book ‘Man Up or Man Down’ releases early next year and you can join the early bird list (just click here).

You can also read more on my blog here.

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Depression The Way You Feel

How To Deal With Someone Who Is Depressed

help someone who is depressed

This is something I’ve been wanting to write for a while now…

I’ve spoke about dealing with depression yourself alongside understanding that it’s ok to be depressed, but never have I highlighted how to deal with someone who is depressed.

My article ‘Why Men Kill Themselves’ reached over half a million people and is still to date my most popular article on the blog.

But one thing that took me by surprise was the amount of women (and men) who emailed me explaining how it helped them understand their partners condition.

It helped them see depression and suicidal thoughts through their eyes.

It’s a horrible place to be in when you’re depressed but it’s also a tough situation when you’re dealing with someone who is depressed.

So what can you do to help you whilst you still help them?

Dealing With Someone Who Is Depressed

This is someone you love.

Whether it be a brother, a husband, a boyfriend, a Father.

This is someone you’d do anything for but their depression has put extreme strain on the relationship.

How many more events can you miss because “they didn’t feel like it”?

How many more mornings can you spend with them struggling to get out of bed?

You’re surely fed up with the daily self pity, the complaining and the thought of them batting away every positive thing you say?

This is someone who at first gave you everything you could imagine.

They made you happy, they made you feel alive but behind that ‘mask’ lay hidden secrets that would later resurface.

Has the relationship been a lie? Were they ever the person you once knew or were they always so unhappy and miserable?

That thought alone is something that hits you hard.

Were all of the good memories bullsh*t?

How long do you stick by them?

How do you best support them through their depression?

How do you make yourself feel good again?

I’m going to try and answer it from a personal perspective in this article.

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Depression Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

Benefits Of A Cold Shower

cold showers

If you’ve read previous posts on the blog you’ve probably realised I’m an advocate of cold showers.

In fact, I’ve recommended them in a lot of my recent posts.

For the past 6 months I’ve been utilising cold showers into my daily routine.

It sounds crazy at first…

But a cold shower really can benefit you in many ways.

There are numerous benefits floating around the internet, from aiding weight loss to helping you sleep but in all honesty I want to share with you the 3 main benefits I’ve found from personally introducing them into my routine.

Don’t think cold showers are for you?

Think again…

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