Category : Success

Depression Success The Way You Feel

The Lessons I Learned From Style Con

menfluential 2018

Last week I flew all the way from London to Atlanta to speak on the final day of Style Con, but most importantly to see what this event was all about.

I can say as I’m writing this, it was an amazing experience, and in this feature today I’m going to share the five lessons I learned from the two day event.

What Is Style Con?

If you don’t know what Style Con is, where have you been the last few years? Style Con is an event that has been put on by Aaron Marino of Alpha M and Antonio Centeno of Real Men Real Style. These two heavyweights combined to create Style Con.

Now Style Con has been running for a few years. I actually wanted to attend last year as well, but this year, I had the pleasure to speak to the Style Con audience.

Style Con

The above image is from last year where the audience grew to over 100 men. This year it grew to over 200 men.

But there’s no better reason for me to fly all the way to Atlanta to speak about a subject that I’m extremely passionate about, and it’s something that’s extremely close to my heart, I told the audience my story, I highlighted the huge issue surrounding depression and the response blew me away.

But here are the five things that I learned from attending Style Con.

Prefer video? Watch below.

1. Depression Needs To Be Spoken About

The first lesson is depression needs to be spoken about. It really is as simple as that.

I truly was blown away by the response that I had from talking about depression, from talking about my dad’s suicide, and I really can’t get my words out at this moment because the amount of people that came up to me after me giving my presentation really did blow me away.

paul menfluential

Everyone shared stories about how they’ve felt depressed in the past, they shared moments of adversity with me and also a few opened up about personal suicidal attempts of loss through suicide. A few people told me they felt like I was talking to them when I was speaking about my depression and speaking about my dad.

It truly blew me away, and it really did make me think that more and more people need to talk about depression. More and more people need to be open. They need to be honest. They need to talk more.


The above is a small comparison of back to when I just lost my Dad to suicide, feeling depressed to now.

The physical transformation is obvious but the internal development would not have been possible without me opening up and dealing with my depression.

Now the audience at Style Con of course made me feel at ease because they are men wanting to better themselves. They’ve paid a ticket to go to an event which is based around self-improvement, based around growing them as a man and their business.

These were guys that were open to be vulnerable. They were open, they were honest. It made sharing my story, something that’s still extremely raw for me easier.

So the biggest lesson that I learned from my presentation was depression needs to be spoken about more, not just to a room of 300 men that were attending, it needs to be spoke about on a global scale. It needs to be spoken about if you go to the pub with your friends, if you’re at work. This issue needs to be tackled hands on.

It shouldn’t be stigmatised. It shouldn’t be something that you don’t talk about and something you ignore because you feel it’s a weakness.

If you take anything from this post please remember that depression is ok. If you’re watching this video and you’re someone who watched my presentation and you came up to me at the end with your own story, I truly, truly appreciate you.

depression understanding

2. Don’t Be Afraid Of Vulnerability

The second thing is don’t be afraid of vulnerability. Again, this is something that I spoke about in my presentation and something that I’ve just recently mentioned, but you shouldn’t be afraid of being vulnerable.

Being vulnerable actually opens you up more connections, to more relationships. The more closed you are, the less people you’re going to attract in your life and the less opportunities you’re going to open doors too.

The more vulnerable you can be, the deeper the connection someone is going to have with you.

For example, I stood on stage and became extremely vulnerable. I spoke about losing my dad to suicide, I spoke about my depression, I spoke about other things that I’m vulnerable about.

Honestly, I can’t even put up a shelf. I’m useless at DIY. But I’ll be completely open and honest about that, and that’s me not being afraid of being vulnerable.

paul menfluential

Now, the reason why I say people need to be vulnerable more is because if you’re in the audience and you’re listening to me open up and be vulnerable, it gives them the permission to open up and be vulnerable, too, but if I’m standing there closed off, not being honest, being someone that I’m not, they’re going to be closed off. It’s as simple as that, so be vulnerable more often.

A great example at the event was they had a grooming panel, and Eric who was hosting it said, “Come up if you want us to critique your grooming.” There was close to 50 people that stood up and queued up to stand onstage in front of everyone and get critiqued on how they looked.

That really put me at ease. I knew that the audience was open to be vulnerable, and that is something that I suggest to you.

If you’re reading this right now, don’t be scared of vulnerability. Being vulnerable will create a better connection with others and open doors to opportunities you won’t get if you stay closed off.

3. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Number three is an obvious one… Surround yourself with positive people. Luckily, I say luckily, at first I didn’t think I was lucky, I was the last speaker. I had the whole of Friday, the whole of Saturday and then I stood up to speak. At first this was a bit daunting for me, but it gave me the opportunity to speak to the audience, to work the room, to go and speak to people and find out their stories.

Now the greatest thing that I had from the event was simply just surrounding myself with positive people. I work from home, we can easily fall into our comfort zones by staying in the same environments we’re used too.

You want to always try and build your network, but most importantly surround yourself with the right people, because if you’re not surrounding yourself with the right people it’s going to be harder to grow.

positive people

If you want to improve as a person, go to an event with a room full of guys that want to improve. If you want to become successful, surround yourself with successful people. It really is as simple as that.

So the third lesson is surround yourself with like minded and positive people.

4. Action Outweighs Logic

Number four is something else that I mentioned in my presentation and that is action outweighs logic.

Now, the reason why I included this is because over the past two days, there was a vast amount of great speakers. You had Dan Lok talking about high ticket sales, you had Ryan Masters talking about fear and how to overcome it, you had people talking about YouTube, people talking about Instagram, people talking about grooming routines, me talking about depression… There were so many pieces of knowledge that you could pick up from the two days.


But what I’m trying to say here is the people that are going to succeed after that event are the people that actually act upon it. For example, if you’re writing notes throughout the whole event or any event that you go to and you try and act upon all of those notes, it’s going to be extremely difficult. But taking the few notes that stood out to you the most and acting upon them right away will help you achieve more than trying to do everything perfectly.

Whether that’s starting an Instagram account, whether it’s starting to face fears, whether it’s starting to be more open and vulnerable… whatever you got from Style Con or any event, you want to start acting upon.

The example that I used is self-help books. Self help books aren’t good for you.

self help books

That may shock you at first (as I’m an avid reader of self help books and even wrote one) but the logic behind it is simple. Self help books are useless if you read them and don’t act upon them.

If you read a self-help book and you put it back on the book shelf, you read another self-help book and put it back on the book shelf… you’re not applying any of that knowledge.

You really need to understand that action outweighs logic and you need to start applying everything that you learn.

5. There’s No Room For Arrogance

Number five, the final lesson, is there’s no room for arrogance.

Aaron is someone that I’ve known for a while, probably about five to six years. He did a sponsorship video for me back in the day when I owned Brighterman. Antonio again is someone that I’ve known for a few years. We’ve spoke on and off and I actually went and visited him in Ukraine, Kiev at the beginning of this year.

These two guys are heavyweights. These two guys have people looking up to them. They admire them. They inspire them. There combined audience is fast approaching 4 million subscribers on YouTube alone.

aaron marino youtubereal men real style

With all of this being said they are both just so down to earth. They have time for everyone. People were asking for photos, they gave them time. People were asking them questions, they gave them time. They literally weren’t arrogant in any way.

So many people when they hit a certain level of success become extremely arrogant, but Aaron, Antonio, all of the other speakers, everyone else in the room as well gave people the platform to speak. They gave me the platform to speak and share my story.

There was no room for arrogance, there was no room for ego, so at whatever level you think you’re at or you’re trying to get to, remember that arrogance is wasted.


You need to always be open to people, you always need to be giving time, giving value to people, because that’s always going to outweigh arrogance.

Menfluential 2018

How can I end this? Well hopefully I’m going to be able to get the full presentation for you guys to watch, but Style Con has recently changed their name to Menfluential. I personally believe that’s a much better decision because there wasn’t a lot of style involved in the event and it’s always going to be very hard to do a two day event just based around style.

Tanner from Masculine Style did a very good presentation on style, you had grooming panels, you had Instagram panels, there were a lot of stylish guys there so you still are going to get a lot of knowledge in terms of style, but it was more about self-improvement. It was more about becoming a better version of yourself.

So Menfluential 2018 is now booked in Atlanta so if you get the chance to go, I highly recommend it.

Hopefully I will be flying out there again next year. (Get Your Tickets Here)

Hopefully we can catch up?

If you enjoyed these lessons let me know in the comments below and if you attended, let me know what your lessons were.

If you didn’t attend Style Con what events have you been to recently and what were the biggest lessons you learned?

Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel for 3 videos a week by clicking here or the banner below.


This post was originally featured on MFM. Read it here: 5 Lessons from Style Con 2017

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Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

4 Tips To Overcome Social Anxiety


Ever worried about a certain event?

It could be a job interview, a first date, a night out with mates or even a family outing.

Ever worried what people might think of you?

Worried someone is judging you?

You see social anxiety exists at different levels and it’s something that affects every man at some point in their life.

However extreme your social anxiety might be, whether it’s on the low end of the scale feeling anxious around certain people or in certain places to the extreme of not being able to order a coffee or leave your house in the morning this post aims to help you overcome social anxiety.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Before diving into some very specific tips to help you overcome social anxiety I want to make one thing clear…

Avoiding it will only make it worse.

The more you avoid social situations and the more you avoid dealing with it the stronger the anxiety will become.

Increasing your confidence will help you overcome your social anxiety and confidence is developed through action.

Think about the first time you sat behind a steering wheel… was you confident?

After driving for a while you soon jump behind the steering wheel without any worrying thoughts or anxiety around driving.

Confidence comes from action and facing up to your anxiety rather than ignoring it will help you resolve it.

Here are 4 tips to help you overcome social anxiety.

1. Worrying What People Think

One of the biggest reasons we feel anxious in social situations is the fear of judgement.

What are people saying about me? What are they thinking? Am I being judged?

All of these self limiting thoughts are, well, just that… Thoughts. These are thoughts, stories and scenarios created by you which in reality don’t exist.

Worrying what people think of you is the biggest limitation you can put on yourself. Why let someone else’s opinion of you, in most cases a complete stranger affect your stress levels, your happiness and your behaviours?

Worrying what people think and having the belief that people are judging you will create more anxiety around social situations.


Personally it’s something that held me back for a long time, trying to please others and always fearing I was being judged.

I had a big realisation…

I’m really not that important.

The average person has 70,000 thoughts a day, am I that important that they’ll be thinking of me? They’ll be judging me? Let’s say I embarrassed myself in front of a stranger, I would ‘believe’ they’d be laughing about it for weeks to come but in reality they’ll forget it even happened within a few minutes.

Everybody has their own insecurities, their own worries, their own anxiety to deal with. No one will ever judge you as much as you think they do.

If judgement does happen it often comes as a reflection on them rather than a reflection on you. If someone feels the need to judge another or say/do something hurtful it’s often to make up for their own insecurities and issues.

Don’t let someone have such control over your thoughts and emotions.

In this video I met up with Josh Morris and we went through some ‘judgement’ exercises. I pushed my comfort zones on a few of them and walk you through each one.

Want to take this deeper and really cure your fear of judgement? Read this post here on Worrying What People Think.

2. Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway

As I’ve mentioned anxiety in social situations will typically stem from a lack of confidence.

If you’re confident to order a coffee, you’ll feel no anxiety around ordering a coffee. If you’re confident walking into a room full of people and starting a conversation, you’ll have little or no anxiety to do so.

On the other hand a lack of confidence will lead to fear.

The best way to overcome fear is to simply face it. Get anxious approaching and talking to girls? Go and approach and talk to girls.

I’m not saying it’s easy and you’ll have to push through the anxiety, the fear of judgement, the feeling of your stomach churning and your palms sweating but after every time you face that fear it will get better.

I remember the first time I got asked to speak in public, presenting on the Future of Menswear to around 100 people. I think I practiced the presentation so much I presented robotically and to this day I can’t remember a word I said. The second time I did it that fear still existed but it wasn’t as strong as it was the first time round. The third time it got easier, the same with the fourth, the fifth, the sixth time. The more you do the thing you fear the less anxiety you’ll feel around it.

It’s also important to remember that the stories and the scenarios you create in your head before facing that fear will never happen. How many times have you worried about something happen and it never did? Worry comes from your own imagination.


3. Get Someone To Push You

How many people wouldn’t jump out of an aeroplane without someone strapped to their back?

Without others watching on?

Without knowing that you’re going to let yourself down or others down after you’ve paid or raised money to get 70,000 feet in the air ready to jump?

Accountability is key to help you achieve or overcome anything in life.

jumping out a plane

In the video above where I discuss overcoming social anxiety a lot of the exercises I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t with Josh or on camera. Because Josh was there to push me to do them (and hold me accountable) it helped me push through fear.

Get friends to hold you to the things you say you’re going to do, get them to go with you and push you through exercises.

You can also go to meet up groups with other people suffering with social anxiety. These are often led by people who have overcome the fear of judgement and they’ll put you through certain exercises to help.

Of course there’s going to be anxiety and fear around even asking a friend or going to a meet up group but it’s going to be hugely valuable if you do.

4. Celebrate Your Wins (However Small They May Be)

Manage to order a coffee today? Start a conversation with someone? Leave the house? However small the act, congratulate yourself.

Being socially anxious will lead to negativity and low self esteem. Therefore any fear you face or anything you try… celebrate.

Simply saying ‘well done’ to yourself or playing your favourite music and standing in power pose (fists clenched, arms above your head like you’ve won a race) will help.

The more positivity you can create and the more you can build your self esteem the easier it’s going to be to face the fear.


Always Break Comfort Zones

These 4 tips combined will help you overcome your social anxiety, but going outside of your comfort zone and facing fear is truly the only way to deal with it.

The more you resist, the more you ignore the fact and ignore your anxiety the worst it’s going to get.

Always break comfort zones.

Here’s an interview I did with Josh Morris on my Podcast. He went from not being able to order a coffee to travelling the world and removing all fear of judgement.

If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to comment and share with someone who might benefit from it.

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Depression Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

Benefits Of A Cold Shower

cold showers

If you’ve read previous posts on the blog you’ve probably realised I’m an advocate of cold showers.

In fact, I’ve recommended them in a lot of my recent posts.

For the past 6 months I’ve been utilising cold showers into my daily routine.

It sounds crazy at first…

But a cold shower really can benefit you in many ways.

There are numerous benefits floating around the internet, from aiding weight loss to helping you sleep but in all honesty I want to share with you the 3 main benefits I’ve found from personally introducing them into my routine.

Don’t think cold showers are for you?

Think again…

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Success The Way You Feel

5 Simple Ways To Boost Your Testosterone Levels

boost testosterone

It was only recently I truly discovered how important testosterone levels are.

As a man low testosterone can lead to numerous damaging effects from low sex drive to extreme fatigue.

In fact, here are just a handful of effects caused by low testosterone.

  • Low Sex Drive
  • Increased Risk of Prostate Cancer
  • Constant Fatigue
  • Depression
  • Increased Risk of Alzheimers Disease
  • Increased Fat Tissue

With these in mind improving your testosterone levels are hugely important but how do you do it?

At first it might seem daunting, it might seem like something you need to a see a Doctor for, but in most cases a few simple changes can cause an increase in testosterone.


The Symptoms of Low Testosterone

Firstly it’s going to be difficult to increase testosterone to feel change if your levels are already normal or high.

There’s numerous symptoms that will often highlight if you do suffer with low testosterone, but alongside referencing the symptoms I highly recommend getting solid data.

A blood test will show your testosterone levels and will show if your levels are low.

Getting this data is invaluable as you can use it as a benchmark to improve upon.

Using some of the simple recommendations in this article will help improve your testosterone levels and not only should you feel the benefits a blood test in the near future should also show an increase in your testosterone levels.

Here are some of the main symptoms of low testosterone.

  • Always Feeling Tired
  • Lack of Motivation
  • Low Sex Drive
  • Erectile Disfunction
  • Low Self Confidence
  • Struggling To Lose Weight
  • Mood Swings
  • Loss of Muscle Mass
  • Reduced Strength/Endurance Levels

So knowing the importance of increasing your testosteroen and understanding that your levels are low it’s time to increase it.

But how?

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