Category : Your Thoughts

Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

4 Tips To Overcome Social Anxiety

overcome-social-anxiety

Ever worried about a certain event?

It could be a job interview, a first date, a night out with mates or even a family outing.

Ever worried what people might think of you?

Worried someone is judging you?

You see social anxiety exists at different levels and it’s something that affects every man at some point in their life.

However extreme your social anxiety might be, whether it’s on the low end of the scale feeling anxious around certain people or in certain places to the extreme of not being able to order a coffee or leave your house in the morning this post aims to help you overcome social anxiety.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Before diving into some very specific tips to help you overcome social anxiety I want to make one thing clear…

Avoiding it will only make it worse.

The more you avoid social situations and the more you avoid dealing with it the stronger the anxiety will become.

Increasing your confidence will help you overcome your social anxiety and confidence is developed through action.

Think about the first time you sat behind a steering wheel… was you confident?

After driving for a while you soon jump behind the steering wheel without any worrying thoughts or anxiety around driving.

Confidence comes from action and facing up to your anxiety rather than ignoring it will help you resolve it.

Here are 4 tips to help you overcome social anxiety.

1. Worrying What People Think

One of the biggest reasons we feel anxious in social situations is the fear of judgement.

What are people saying about me? What are they thinking? Am I being judged?

All of these self limiting thoughts are, well, just that… Thoughts. These are thoughts, stories and scenarios created by you which in reality don’t exist.

Worrying what people think of you is the biggest limitation you can put on yourself. Why let someone else’s opinion of you, in most cases a complete stranger affect your stress levels, your happiness and your behaviours?

Worrying what people think and having the belief that people are judging you will create more anxiety around social situations.

fear-of-judgement

Personally it’s something that held me back for a long time, trying to please others and always fearing I was being judged.

I had a big realisation…

I’m really not that important.

The average person has 70,000 thoughts a day, am I that important that they’ll be thinking of me? They’ll be judging me? Let’s say I embarrassed myself in front of a stranger, I would ‘believe’ they’d be laughing about it for weeks to come but in reality they’ll forget it even happened within a few minutes.

Everybody has their own insecurities, their own worries, their own anxiety to deal with. No one will ever judge you as much as you think they do.

If judgement does happen it often comes as a reflection on them rather than a reflection on you. If someone feels the need to judge another or say/do something hurtful it’s often to make up for their own insecurities and issues.

Don’t let someone have such control over your thoughts and emotions.

In this video I met up with Josh Morris and we went through some ‘judgement’ exercises. I pushed my comfort zones on a few of them and walk you through each one.

Want to take this deeper and really cure your fear of judgement? Read this post here on Worrying What People Think.

2. Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway

As I’ve mentioned anxiety in social situations will typically stem from a lack of confidence.

If you’re confident to order a coffee, you’ll feel no anxiety around ordering a coffee. If you’re confident walking into a room full of people and starting a conversation, you’ll have little or no anxiety to do so.

On the other hand a lack of confidence will lead to fear.

The best way to overcome fear is to simply face it. Get anxious approaching and talking to girls? Go and approach and talk to girls.

I’m not saying it’s easy and you’ll have to push through the anxiety, the fear of judgement, the feeling of your stomach churning and your palms sweating but after every time you face that fear it will get better.

I remember the first time I got asked to speak in public, presenting on the Future of Menswear to around 100 people. I think I practiced the presentation so much I presented robotically and to this day I can’t remember a word I said. The second time I did it that fear still existed but it wasn’t as strong as it was the first time round. The third time it got easier, the same with the fourth, the fifth, the sixth time. The more you do the thing you fear the less anxiety you’ll feel around it.

It’s also important to remember that the stories and the scenarios you create in your head before facing that fear will never happen. How many times have you worried about something happen and it never did? Worry comes from your own imagination.

comfort-zones

3. Get Someone To Push You

How many people wouldn’t jump out of an aeroplane without someone strapped to their back?

Without others watching on?

Without knowing that you’re going to let yourself down or others down after you’ve paid or raised money to get 70,000 feet in the air ready to jump?

Accountability is key to help you achieve or overcome anything in life.

jumping out a plane

In the video above where I discuss overcoming social anxiety a lot of the exercises I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t with Josh or on camera. Because Josh was there to push me to do them (and hold me accountable) it helped me push through fear.

Get friends to hold you to the things you say you’re going to do, get them to go with you and push you through exercises.

You can also go to meet up groups with other people suffering with social anxiety. These are often led by people who have overcome the fear of judgement and they’ll put you through certain exercises to help.

Of course there’s going to be anxiety and fear around even asking a friend or going to a meet up group but it’s going to be hugely valuable if you do.

4. Celebrate Your Wins (However Small They May Be)

Manage to order a coffee today? Start a conversation with someone? Leave the house? However small the act, congratulate yourself.

Being socially anxious will lead to negativity and low self esteem. Therefore any fear you face or anything you try… celebrate.

Simply saying ‘well done’ to yourself or playing your favourite music and standing in power pose (fists clenched, arms above your head like you’ve won a race) will help.

The more positivity you can create and the more you can build your self esteem the easier it’s going to be to face the fear.

freedom-750x450_c

Always Break Comfort Zones

These 4 tips combined will help you overcome your social anxiety, but going outside of your comfort zone and facing fear is truly the only way to deal with it.

The more you resist, the more you ignore the fact and ignore your anxiety the worst it’s going to get.

Always break comfort zones.

Here’s an interview I did with Josh Morris on my Podcast. He went from not being able to order a coffee to travelling the world and removing all fear of judgement.

If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to comment and share with someone who might benefit from it.

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Depression Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

Benefits Of A Cold Shower

cold showers

If you’ve read previous posts on the blog you’ve probably realised I’m an advocate of cold showers.

In fact, I’ve recommended them in a lot of my recent posts.

For the past 6 months I’ve been utilising cold showers into my daily routine.

It sounds crazy at first…

But a cold shower really can benefit you in many ways.

There are numerous benefits floating around the internet, from aiding weight loss to helping you sleep but in all honesty I want to share with you the 3 main benefits I’ve found from personally introducing them into my routine.

Don’t think cold showers are for you?

Think again…

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Relationships Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

The Lessons I’ve Learnt As A New Dad (So Far)

2016-07-22 19.55.18

You may have missed the announcement…

But on the 18th July at 3:26am my son Teddie was born.

It was an unreal moment, an experience I’ll never forget and one I still find hard to explain today.

It was a crazy 48 hours.

My step son Freddie had his birthday (and house party) on the 17th of July. We had a bouncy castle, a BBQ, school friends and more.

It was a manic but fun day, and people left around 6pm.

An hour later Amy was watching TV upstairs, I was cooking some dinner and then I heard the call.

“My waters have broken”

To cut a long story short, we’d planned for a home birth but had to go into hospital due to lack of midwives on duty.

We arrived around 9pm, everything went well and as mentioned he was born at 3:26am the next day. (We narrowly escaped two birthdays in one day)

But why am I telling you all of this?

I came up with the idea to document the first year of Teddie’s life.

I didn’t want to just share videos of him eating, pooing and sleeping… I wanted to create something meaningful.

First Year Dad is a series of videos that highlight the lessons I’ve learnt from being a Dad.

These lessons will help me, will hopefully help you watching them and I’ll show them to Teddie when he’s older.

Let’s be honest, the first year is one you typically don’t remember. But me creating this video series, not only can he hopefully learn from the lessons he can always look back on the first year of his life.

Here’s the first video I created where I explain all in more detail.

The Lessons So Far

I wanted to create this post highlighting some of the main lessons I’ve learnt so far.

I want to make it clear…

These lessons don’t just relate to being a Dad.

These are lessons you can implement into your life and lessons I’ll continue to implement into mine.

Ready?

1. The Importance of Friends & Family

How often do you take your family and friends for granted?

I know I have in the past.

When Teddie was born the support we got was incredible.

My Mum and Amy’s parents helped massively, my brother, our close friends…

Everyone was there to help when we needed it.

Without this support it would have made the first few days a lot more difficult than they were.

Choose your support group wisely, invest in them (give) and then when you need help they’ll give back.

2. Choose Your Partner Wisely

I couldn’t have handled the first few weeks without Amy.

She’s changed 90% of nappies, fed him 90% of the time and has already been an amazing Mum to him.

Sure that may make me sound lousy, but it’s only right to give credit when credit is due.

Make sure you’re always working on improving your relationship. Focusing on their needs and their fulfilment will in return fulfil you.

Sharing this experience with her will again make parenting easier, but it’s also going to be massively enjoyable.

Here’s another article on how to have a good relationship.

 3. Mentors/Role Models Are The Key To Success

I’ve spoke about this a few times, but the quickest way to achieving something is to find someone who’s already achieved it to mirror.

If you want to start a business, find someone who’s created a successful business doing something you want to do and get them to show you how.

Learn to surf? Find someone who’s got to the level and beyond what you want to achieve and get them to show you how.

Don’t try and figure everything out for yourself.

This lesson stemmed from Freddie’s attitude to his little brother.

He’s been caring, supportive, and throughout Teddie’s life he will be there as a role model.

He’s going to make our job of parents a lot easier, as he shows Teddie the way.

4. What To Do If You Hate Your Job

7 years ago I made a decision to leave my 9-5 job that I hated.

I started an online retailer called Brighterman.com

7 years later, I work the hours I want, I do it from home and most importantly I love my work.

This isn’t bullsh*t.

If I can do it (so can you).

This freedom is something you can’t trade and I’m extremely grateful for the work I do.

Seriously, if you hate your job do something about it.

No one will make it better for you, you need to act and make change.

5. The Art of Giving

Teddie got sent his first gift to try out.

I know, two weeks old and already getting freebies.

Luckily with my job I get sent a lot of free things to review and recommend.

Recently I’ve been pretty ungrateful for this.

The lesson I learnt was when you give you’ll always get.

In business if you give value over and over again you’ll always get business in return.

In a relationship if you give love you’ll always get love.

Stop focusing on what’s in it for you and focus on giving.

6. Prepare Yourself For Life Challenges

Throughout life you’re going to face challenges and adversity.

Some things you’ll face are out of your control but how you react to them is important.

I lost my keys on a small family trip and this sparked a panic.

You’ve probably been there before?

This small challenge (which I overcame) taught me to be prepared for any challenge in life (whether big or small).

Here’s how…

Follow #FIRSTYEARDAD

These 6 are a snapshot of some of the lessons I’ve currently shared.

All of the videos can be found here, and subscribing to the channel will allow you to get updated as soon as a new video goes live.

Some lessons are short, some are more detailed.

I hope to see you following as the year goes on?

Signing out…

Paul

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Success The Way You Feel Your Thoughts

How To Stop Being A Perfectionist

perfectionist

Are you someone held back by perfectionism?

Whether it’s within your work, your business, your health, lifestyle and even relationships.

Are you always wanting it to be ‘perfect’ before you act?

I’ve been there, perfectionism held me back from hitting the levels of success I aimed to achieve with my business.

For years I wanted to offer value through YouTube videos. I learnt how to market them, I had an audience to work with but I didn’t put any videos out because they weren’t perfect.

My hair looked bad, the lighting wasn’t good, I needed a better camera, I hadn’t scripted what I was going to say…

The list of bullsh*t excuses goes on.

This perfectionism held me back, it stopped me from giving value to others and it stopped me growing my business.

Of course being a perfectionist does have it’s advantages but answer this…

Is it better to have an idea in your head which is perfect, or an idea which isn’t perfect but has been executed?

So many people sit on amazing business ideas because they don’t know how to perfectly execute them, but any action (good or bad) is better than keeping a perfect idea in your head.

Imperfect Action

In this post I want to share with you 3 principles that helped me overcome perfectionism.

These 3 principles are easy to grasp but often harder to execute.

Applying them consistently will help you overcome perfectionism.

Before I dive into them I want to share with you a statement which really shifted my mindset and helped me overcome my perfectionism.

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